Have you nailed down the perfect morning routine?
Surely, waking up an hour early for a brisk walk, a warm shower, some make-up, undisturbed bible study and coffee by sunrise would set you up for success! Except, if you've been a human for any length of time I suspect you've realized that perfectly executed morning routines are a rare beast. If you're a mother, I'm willing to bet that even if you execute your "perfect" morning, the twists and turns of a toddlers emotions will not comply. Simply stated: a perfect system will not save you from hardship. It sounds obvious, but when we think about it honestly, we feel blind-sided when our circumstances or systems don't deliver the results of simplicity and ease. "I studied my bible with coffee this morning, but I'm still on the verge of losing it!" What's the problem? Well, sin, for starters. More directly its our heart’s motives behind implementing the system.
Usually, when we're desperate for a system its because we are drowning under the weight of everything and we're covertly seeking something to be our savior. We're reading the bible as a system because we believe it will make us better mothers, rather than reading it to know our God and his law more. Systems make poor saviors.
Systems make poor saviors.
I didn't grow up around "homemakers" and quite frankly I felt clueless as to how to run a home with littles underfoot. My mother-in-law, who has 8 children, seemed like a unicorn to me. She cooked, cleaned, homeschooled, led a homeschool ministry and so, so much more. I had one child, lived in an apartment and cried because I couldn't put the baby down long enough to make myself lunch, I felt clueless and completely overwhelmed- Oh, I still remember that day vividly. Here's the thing, systems can help us maximize efficiency and eliminate some of the stress that comes from decision fatigue, but they can't save us. Think of a system as a recipe, this also applies in that the variations are endless depending on who you're asking. Sally and Sue both make chocolate chip cookies with different recipes, each will swear theirs is the best because it’s the one their family loves. That’s an important part: To work well they need to be tailored to your family and current situation. (I’ll show you some easy ways to tailor a system in this series!) If a system is a recipe, our mindset or perspective is the key ingredient. You can hold the world's best recipe for chocolate chip cookies, but if you don‘t have flour or eggs and try to substitute olives for chocolate chips it's not going to work regardless of your diligence and best intentions.
If a system is a recipe, our mindset or perspective is the key ingredient.
I’ve tried several systems, an unholy amount of planners, read dozens of books and even paid some decent money for courses. So believe me when I say: homemaking did not come naturally for me. And to be fair, I don’t think it’s meant to come naturally. These are things mothers, grandmothers and godly women at the church are called to model and teach the younger generations- so there’s no shame in acknowledging we’re always learning and growing in this area! I will also say, while some of those systems helped and made improvements (some more than others), I would still find myself sinking into overwhelm as soon as we hit a bump or life went of track for a bit (as life is prone to do regularly). It felt like I was always one mishap away from getting knocked back into survival mode. I was missing the proper ingredients. My mindset was completely muddled.
I was looking at these systems and other women as I engineered my vision of success. I was looking for a common denominator or formula by analyzing the habits, systems and tools these happy, “well balanced” women were using. Surely, when I discovered that perfect checklist, or planner, I could create a happy and efficient home!
This is how we expect it to work, right?
I was completely missing the mark! That mark was the key to moving from “surviving” to “thriving”! The mark was the key ingredient, the mindset. I saw what the other women were doing but I wasn’t questioning what they believed! What we believe about the work we do, is just as important as the work we’re doing. I wasn’t looking to scripture to inform my attitude and mindset toward the work I was called to.
If we don’t build from the word of God as the foundation, as the hymn goes: all other
ground is sinking sand.
When I stopped seeking scripture as a help or “comfort measure" and held it as God’s word: able to teach, instruct, reprove and equip, things began to shift. Here’s the problem: you can lead a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink. While I had read the Bible daily, I continued to have a wrong attitude towards my work in the home. (And the fact it never seemed to end!) When I sought the word on hard days, I wasn’t seeking the word in order to be changed, I was looking for something to “take the edge off”- not always, and not exclusively, but more often than not. If you’re worried that you may be dealing with the same problem, there’s help. Repent and ask God to transform your heart and grant you wisdom. This is where we start, when realize that we can never do this ourselves nor should we, because we were called to this work of keeping our homes and He who calls us will be the One who equips us!
I can’t overstate this point: Systems make poor saviors. If we want to transform our homes, it’s going to start with our hearts and we need our only, true Savior to do that. We can create and follow every checklist available, but if the heart of our home, if our motives are not to honor the Lord, then it’s all for naught. If our hearts are not being filled and nourished with the bread of the word, and our minds being transformed, we will quickly tire of the good work that seems like empty monotony. If we are not viewing our work as part of Gods good design, as something to steward, as a means for worship and sanctification- then it will all seem worthless because apart from these things, it really is!
Before we get into the nitty gritty of designing systems for our homes and flourishing as homemakers and mothers, we MUST surrender our hearts and minds to our loving Shepherd and ask Him with all humility to transform us, grant us wisdom, teach us truth, and help us to see these matters as he sees them. We have all made it to this place with ideas about homemaking, attitudes toward our duties- we must discern if these things have been thoroughly informed by Gods word or not.
My heart behind this series is to encourage women as homemakers. I want to encourage the woman who feels uninspired, overwhelmed, and frustrated, that they were designed to thrive in this role. God calling women to be homemakers was not an afterthought or resignation but a good and sovereign order, and he equips those He calls. Each week I'll post action steps or tools to help you apply the principles.
Action steps:
Pray this week that the Lord would convict you of wrong thinking in regard to your role as a homemaker/wife/mother. Ask for wisdom as you seek his word, your heart and mind would be transformed according to His will. Praise him for his good design and faithfulness to you and your family, and praise him that he has sovereignly called you to this very place and promises to equip you to work and will for his pleasure.
Choose a 3-ring binder to hold your home-management system you'll create through the series.
Choose a verse pertaining to work that you can copy down a few times and post in areas of your home where you’ll be sure to spend some time with it. (The kitchen sink, the bathroom mirror, your end table, or where you fold laundry ) I’ll share a few below, but feel free to look for more!
“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.”
“for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing;”
“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
“For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread. But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary of doing good.”
(I couldn’t resist adding this one because I, personally, enjoy a good dose of tough love from scripture!)
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”
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