[I really wanted to title this “There and Back Again”, but search engine optimization won out.]
What do laziness and overwhelm have in common? For me, one is often a precursor to the other. This was a major problem for me as a new wife and young mother, though I’ll confess I’ve struggled with this at times still! When I become overwhelmed (which is usually a result of poor planning/stewardship) my natural tendency is to try to escape, often by seeking distractions. (hello, unhealthy social media habit..) I’ll be the first to admit that even “productive” distractions have been a clever cover for laziness in my own life. Or I’ll give in to laziness camouflaged as “self-care”, -cough cough- self-indulgence, because I’m lacking “motivation”. It doesn’t even take a full day of this laziness before my household feels chaotic and overwhelming. It’s a compounding issue either way, it’s also a sin issue.
However, there are other times when laziness is not the problem. I’m sleeping well, rising early, and working diligently, but I reach the end of each day completely and totally spent. Despite my best efforts my “to-do” list is outpacing my “done” list by a long shot and every day feels like a juggling act wherein I certainly drop a ball or three. Sometimes these seasons are brief and we must simply pray and persist. Other times, these things become indicators that our previous priorities and rhythms no longer suit our current season of life. Seasons change. Any experienced mother will tell you about this phenomenon, where the seasons change the day after we’ve “hit our stride” in our current season.
So, How do I get back on the horse when it all feels like too much? How do I restore order when I’m running on fumes? We need to build a C.A.M.P. (I love a good acronym. Really helps with the mom brain.) C- confess
A- Assess
M- Most important tasks
P- Progress
“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” -Proverbs 31:27 ESV
First, Confess. I repent of laziness or carelessness if that is the underlying cause. Other times I confess that I’ve relied on my own strength and desires for my days and I need his wisdom and grace. I pray that God would remind me that my days are not my own and I’m called to steward the time I have for his glory. Rather than wallowing in guilt I remind myself that as long as I’m alive there is room to improve and change! Next, assess. I look at the common “pain points” of my day. These are the things that are consistently an issue. Examples: 1. It takes us so long to get ready for family walks after lessons that it feels more burdensome than pleasant. 2. 4 pm finds me exhausted and the kids are restless. 3. I don’t feel like there’s enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I want to.
After listing out all of my frustrations as a list of “pain points”, I’ll come up with 1-2 ideas to help mitigate the problem. Some of the solutions would be: 1. Having the kids set outfits out the night before so they’re dressed first thing in the morning and leaving our shoes/coats/leashes in the coat closet ready to go. 2. Meal prep dinner during quiet time so it’s easier to throw together later in the day, make sure I’m staying hydrated and eating a good snack in the afternoon and sending the kids outside to burn off steam. 3. Wake up and go to bed an hour earlier. If that’s not the issue, reassessing my priorities and “cutting the fat” from my schedule.
If you’re struggling to come up with solutions, this is a great opportunity to discuss it with your spouse, a godly friend, or mentor.
Enlist help if its lacking. Frankly, we cannot always do it all. This is something I’m still very much struggling to learn. Maybe this simply means training the children to take over a new household chore/task or hiring a cleaning lady. Maybe it’s finding a babysitter or swapping with friends so you can enjoy date nights. Maybe it’s setting up grocery pick-up or paying the delivery fee. Look for the things on your plate that you can delegate or get help with.
Third, stick with the “Most important tasks”. Make a list of 3-5 things that will allow you to breathe easier and lighten your load. If you’re already feeling completely overwhelmed with your “to-do” list and don’t know where to start, simply choose 3-5 things or “Most Important Tasks” (MITs for short). If these are the only things you manage to cross off your list, you’ll be able to feel grateful knowing you made good progress. For example:
1. Complete school lessons
2. Switch Laundry
3. Clear Surfaces (surface clutter overwhelms me like no other)
4. Cook Dinner
What was “most important” one day might not make the list the next day. It’s a matter of identifying what is most important/helpful for you and your family on that specific day. Maybe tomorrow you order take out and deep clean the bathrooms. (Or you fold the laundry you’ve been faithfully switching throughout the week. Just me?)
Finally, Progress! Making progress can feel like a major hurdle when you’re completely overwhelmed. The key is to break it up into bite sizes. Using the list you made in the last step, set a timer for 15 minutes and start with the “toad.” Motivation is kind of a scam because very few (if any?) can muster it from nothing, it’s usually the result of intentional action or decision. 15-20 minutes of action is usually all it takes to build momentum. Even if you don’t feel motivated, breaking things down makes them more manageable. For example: “Declutter the office” is likely to sit untouched on my to-do list for months vs. 15 minutes: declutter desk or 15 minutes: file papers etc. If you don’t know where to start? “Eat the Toad”. This is inspired by the Mark Twain quote that says, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” It’s been taken to mean that if you get the worst thing out of the way first, the rest will feel much more pleasant. I tell myself to “Eat the Toad” (because toads are much uglier in my mind) so I don’t spend extra time and mental effort avoiding things that need to be done at some point. It’s true, once the most dreaded task is out of the way, everything else seems so much easier.
Congratulations on building your camp! After the timer hydrate and hit the next thing! You’ll feel the motivation build and if not you’ll finish the day feeling good that you used your time wisely. Don’t expect to complete everything perfectly, give yourself the same grace you would extend to a dear friend or your own daughter if she were in your shoes. Rather than doing everything, I often ask myself what I can do to make today 1% better. It may not seem like much and most of the time it might be something imperceptible to onlookers, but day after day it adds up to some significant improvement! Maybe that 1% is praising God for a task rather than grumbling, maybe it’s taking meat out of the freezer for tomorrow’s meal, maybe it’s working out for 15 minutes while the kids watch a show or play with Dad.
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” -1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV
God doesn’t call us to perfection. Too often we arrest ourselves with unrealistic expectations that we’ve set up as idols. We need only to strive to bring God glory and steward well the good things he’s given. God is honored in that! Throw away the all-or-nothing mindset and unrealistic expectations and keep the focus on stewardship and your perspective will change which will in turn impact your actions and environment. One day at a time, every new hour is an opportunity for action, change, growth and praise. Every task and breath and opportunity to worship. Steward with joy and worship well.
Your friend,
Abbey
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