If you’re in the trenches of motherhood, raising littles, I wrote this for you. If you're not, maybe you can share it with someone you love who is.
I’m not writing this through the lens of rose-colored glasses. I’m here, right now, as I type these very words my body aches with exhaustion. The kids have just settled for bed and as much as I’d love to sleep there will be thirst, fears, and questions I need to help them face first.
If you’re in the trenches and struggling with serious exhaustion or burn-out, I want to encourage you to P.A.U.S.E.
(Hopefully, the acronym will help you recall some practical steps when you're struggling to think coherent thoughts)
When we talk about motherhood in the trenches it's often spoken of in a weary sigh. Our hair is pulled back, our eyes feel gritty with exhaustion and thinking even 3 tasks ahead brims our eyes with tears. This is flat out, full on, bone weary exhaustion, the kind you swear you can feel in every bone. You look at your bed and think to yourself, “There’s no way a single night of sleep is going to help how I’m feeling right now.” The morning will be here too soon, and you’ll likely wake up to greet the moon and a crying babe a handful of times before that. (Just last night I spent nearly every hour waking between my 3 year old and newborn. I can attest to the effectiveness of sleep deprivation as a form of torture. And maybe in this moment, you can too.)
On top of the sleep deprivation, the physical demands are heavy, literally. Car Seats to be lifted and loaded. Children to be picked up, set down, dressed, wiped, bathed, fed.
In the early years the physical demands seem endless, and that’s not even accounting for the cooking and housework.
I see you, mama. Maybe it’s not flat-out exhaustion. Maybe you’re dealing with anxiety, feeling clueless, battling poor behavior endlessly and you’re certain you’re doing it all wrong. Maybe you’re pregnant and caught in the throes of all day nausea- OR maybe you’re awaiting children and I’ve thoroughly scared the daylights out of you. (Bear with me for a moment) Right now, the trenches are the very best place to be. At least, the most important place to be.
I make this case by looking to the definition and purpose of trenches-
Trench: A long narrow ditch, especially one for military defense to serve as shelter from enemy fire.
Being in the trenches with these babies is the best place for us to be. These early years of nurturing, cuddling, and disciplining serve as a shelter from enemy fire. A place to train, nourish and prepare ourselves and our children. A place where we too are being refined and sanctified each day. As they grow in stature we are growing too. Hopefully in wisdom, godliness, patience, and virtue. (2 Peter 1:5-8)
This is a sweeping picture of the demands in the little years. We are deep in it all, we feel it, we know it, we might even smell like it! But now it’s critical to pan way WAY out. So often our plight is magnified by being too close and too tired to see clearly, we lose sight of the forest for the trees, er, the trenches.
{I need to pause for disclaimer though: If you find yourself dealing with the above feelings while struggling to sleep despite exhaustion, find yourself overeating or not eating enough and lacking the desire to partake in things that you typically enjoy… I need to encourage you to share vulnerably with a trusted friend, and healthcare provider. Getting yourself taken care of is another important way you can love your family well. And be encouraged that you are far from alone, you’re not broken or missing something, many mothers have found themselves facing these storms, myself included. Please know there is so much help available and you don’t need to suffer in silence.}
The Forest
That sounds all well and heroic, but sometimes it feels as though our own children are the battle. The enemy would have us believe their needs are impossible, inconvenient and stifling. When we are weak with exhaustion or riddled with anxiety he makes haste to offer his opinion. Mothers of littles are prime targets because we are the gatekeepers of the home, rearing our babes in truth, for God’s glory. The enemy loathes children, but more than that he loathes children being reared by godly mothers in God-fearing households.
With these little ones underfoot and the sleep in our eyes, we wage war. The enemy is not one confident of victory- we all know how the story ends- time is short and he is writhing and frantic to snag or stumble whoever he may along the way.
So the lies pour in: I’m too tired, I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t do this, I’m scared, It’s too much and I’m not cut out for it. (Notice the pronouns echoing here..) Surely, we have lost ourselves in the endless demands of our children. We will not survive this, it feels impossible.
We are in the midst of a battle with our children. We are fighting against the unseen enemy when we reprove them, train them, and bear with them.
In order to walk faithfully we need to be reminded of the forest.
We need to recognize that our children are not the enemies but fellow sinners who are struggling and need training, encouragement and truth. We need to recognize the hard truth that motherhood does not exist to make us happy or fulfill our longings. We are doing battle each day.
Notice how the lies of the enemy serve as blinders and bring our eyes to ourselves. We become downtrodden navel-gazers. When we are stuck focusing on our own desires, our lack, or our feelings we lose sight of the magnificent work of motherhood.
The best tool we have for battling this is shifting our gaze to God, His word and His promises.
Let’s replace some of those lies with truths before we march forward in our good and heavy work. I can’t do this, I’m too tired, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m scared, It’s too much for me.
Try Instead:
HE strengthens me.
HE has given me a spirit of sound mind, power and self-control.
HE leads me gently.
HE equips those HE has called.
Where I am weak HE is strong.
HE listens to my prayers.
"...Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"...not of fear but of power and love and self-control."2 Timothy 1:7
"He will...gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11
"Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1
" Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receieve mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16
Practically speaking, what can a weary mama do? Remember to P.A.U.S.E.
P- Pray. Even if all you can ask is “help” or you sit in silence as the Spirit intercedes on your behalf, our Mighty Deliverer is listening. (Lead me in paths of righteous for your name’s sake.)
A- Ask. Ask for help. This can be in the form of a house cleaner, grocery delivery, or help from a friend or family member. Whether someone is holding your baby so you can get a nap or coming over for company and help with the dinner, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
U- Understand. Remind yourself of the Kingdom work at hand, and the fact your children are not your enemies. We are not merely sweeping, comforting, and training. We are imaging our Father and King to tiny watchful eyes. We are training in truth, righteousness and godliness. We are waging war against the enemy and his schemes. And we are being refined and sanctified. We are glorifying God.
S- Sleep. We are finite beings with limited strength. God knows this and created us to live in rhythms of work and rest. When a restful night of unbroken sleep isn’t an option, don’t underestimate the power of a catnap on the couch! And if you’re already battling long nights and exhaustion, don’t keep yourself awake late into the night.
E- Eat and Drink. This point echoes the one above. We are limited and lovingly created with needs. It’s crazy how difficult these basic things become on tough days. Make sure you’re eating well and often. I’m not even going to say you need to hit all of the food groups, but make sure you can get something of substance in your body regularly. Lunch meat and a hunk of cheese with an apple? Trail mix? Frozen taquitos(preferably cooked) and a bagged salad kit? Chick-Fil-A? (A personal fave) Eat food and drink water.
The bottom line: This is a temporary season, it is hard and refining, and we are doing Kingdom work. God sees all of it. He is with us in the very middle of all of it, and He is using it all for our good and His glory. As our babies grow in stature, we are growing too.
Lord, Help me to remember your truth on the hard days. Remind me of your loving kindness towards me and your provision. Forgive me for losing sight of your promises and providence in the midst of my struggles, help me to recall your word and good works. Thank you, that you don’t not call me to be all things or do all things. Teach me to find rest in you. Strengthen and equip me to endure well on the hard days, that you will be glorified in it all. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen
Comments